Delays at airports (Humor)
By: Josh Greenberger
Airport Delaysfrom shopndrop.com
The time you spend at an airport may reduce days of vacation leave.
This is the time of year when many people interrupt their busy lives to get away from everything. Some call it a vacation. Others call it "ten days at the airport." Companies do not care what you call as long as you are literate enough to understand the significance of the two most important words in the English language - "delayed" and "void". In fact, these two words are more important than learning to use a lifejacket. Because the chances go down in a plane these days are very thin, due to the fact that the chances of getting into one in the first place is virtually nil. But not fully understand these two words can mean spending days in an airport, literally do not know if you come or go.
The ineffectiveness of some airlines makes a very disturbing thought in mind: Ponce de Leon was dependent on this mode of transport, it is a good chance Florida would have been discovered by the Cuban boat people. " Americans, therefore, have been deprived of an abundance of sun robust, not to mention a lot of orange juice healthy. And God knows how many career Don Johnson would've gotten started.
To say that planes rarely take time off is like telling chickens rarely bicycle. And when the former occurs, it is almost as amazing as this one. Spend eight hours in a frustrating business coffee drinking terminal building, reading newspapers, and catnapping you wait to board a plane, makes you wonder if the announcement: "Come fly with us," really say: "Come, stay with us."
You finally board a plane and "fly our friendly skies," begins to sound more like "Taxi our friendly tracks" - one hour later you are still on the ground. And you are sure that the pilot must be out, either the tires or the track. Your only hope is that the airline is no break in the pilot.
This long-awaited moment - takeoff - finally arrives as a total shock. This is the last thing you expect. You ask, it really happens, or if you're in a flight simulator? You order a meal and, of course, it confirms the indisputable reality of your trip - although flights can be simulated, no technology on earth is advanced enough to artificially recreate a tuna sandwich malnutrition fish pickle and a small lean on the side that looks like "good" as the originals. Good real thing!
You sit down. You relax. And the worst is over.
Not quite.
Only shortly after takeoff, the pilot is on the PA system: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking." (It's a good thing pilots always precede their ads by this sentence . Otherwise, passengers might think it's Francisco Lopez-Valenzuela, announcing a special K-Mart.) The pilot announced that due to a miscalculation "minor" of the aircraft will do a "quick "detour through El Paso, Texas. You get out your calculator and quickly try to understand how a plane two and a half-hour, nonstop flight between New York and Florida may be a" quick "trip to El Paso , Texas. Your only answer is that the driver must be a budding astronaut - by astronomical standards, the star Alpha Centauri, about four light years away, may still be considered a detour "small" sun. So three thousand miles of the course is certainly a miscalculation "minor." A stroke of luck to be still inside the solar system.
In an effort to calm some angry passengers, the pilot added that the call will be "short". Now you are in a panic. Does he mean "short" as in "small" and "minor?" This could be a major problem - the rent of your apartment ends in a few months. You try explaining to the stewardess' air you can not afford "short" stop - you attach to your dog to a pole at Kennedy Airport, was not expecting to be gone too long. You get the typical response, "Am I stealing the plane? " I usually respond: "Well is not the driver - How would you let me take a blow to her?"
Naturally, the "short" turns into another long interlude stops the airport café. You can earn enough cups to become an honorary citizen of Brazil, and the wind with enough caffeine in your system to revive a comatose patient just by breathing in its direction. Then comes the good news to sleep on your bag at the airport El Paso is a lot safer than sleeping in a room high in some neighborhoods in New York. It's really great news. The next time you bring your safe.
You finally take off again. This time, you know that your plane is headed in the right direction because the driver uses a new method of navigation - it is following a herd of migrating hummingbirds. The reasoning behind this is simple: you'll never see a flock of hummingbirds stranded inside a terminal building. Conclusion: they must know where they go.
You land in Florida, kiss the ground, quickly run to the baggage carousel, and have horrible visions about kiss your luggage goodbye. The bag situation is like a mystical experience - you spend a fortune on a bag with all kinds of locks and zippers so that not even Houdini could get in, then you need a psychic to find it. And that's what makes the wealth of vacation. Ultimately, you will find two types of people in a resort, those who are good time, and those who have lost their luggage at the airport. Yet people never learn. There are precautions you can take to greatly reduce the chances of a catastrophe loss suitcase. When flying to Florida, for example, always ship your luggage to Okinawa. This covers you from two angles. Firstly, your luggage is very unlikely to ever happen in Okinawa, and has a better chance of arriving in Florida if you had it sent to Florida to begin. Then, in the unlikely event your baggage does not arrive in Okinawa, you must remember that for you, as a passenger on a flight home, ending in Okinawa is not at all improbable. So no matter what happens, there is a good chance you'll have what to wear.
by Josh Greenbergerfrom shopndrop.com
Josh Greenberger: A computer consultant for over two decades, the author has developed software for organizations such as NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, AT & T, Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. Since 1984, the author's literary works have been published in periodicals such as The New York Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press and others. His articles have ranged from humor to scientific to current events. Visit his website: shopndrop.com
About the author
Josh Greenberger: A computer consultant for over two decades, the author has developed software for organizations such as NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, AT & T, Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. From 1984, the literary works of the author have been published in periodicals such as The New York Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press and others. His articles have ranged from humor to scientific to current events. Visit his website: shopndrop.com