Are personal computers becoming too personal? (Humor)
By: Josh Greenberger
Are personal computers becoming too personal? From shopndrop.com
A computer has replaced the dog as man's best friend?
The rapid development of successive generations of computer chips at high speed has brought with it a premium of personal equipment and aid business from effective interactive multimedia games online banking and instant access to business quickly CD data. But this high-tech blessing came with a curse to high price - the humanization of attachment to a machine, so far unmatched in the annals of human history. If the computer has not replaced the dog as man's best friend, only because nobody has yet found a way to do lick your face.
Probably the most convincing factor in the humanization of the computer is its ability to connect with the Internet. The idea that you can "meet" people for a chat, while alone in a room, sociability catapults to a new level - many old habits fall by the wayside.
Gone are the days when you had to get dressed up to make an impression. On the web, you can dress down, slouching in your seat and a hair-day that makes a divine Search Thorn Bush in comparison, but as long as you know your gigabytes of your zip drives, you're a mega -hit.
"Fast Fingers" has more the connotation of a guy with fresh date. On the World Wide Web, "fast finger" is the greatest compliment you can pay a guy. A compliment for a woman is, "The way of thinking reminds me of my mother."
A disadvantage of online social arena, however, is that you can chat with someone for hours and not even be sure what kind they are. Sort of a tribute to the hippie era.
Although "My car broke down, no more cutting it as an excuse for delay, the consideration for the high-tech" My modem failed "is even better. Because of failure of modem, you can not be late for a meeting or a cat, but also "leave" (disconnect) from the beginning. And you can even leave in the middle of a boring chatter - which is approximate equivalent of throwing a passenger on a boring moving car in the middle of the road. While in a car, it can be considered a rude behavior on the net, it might be perceived as a social improvement or "release cultural level. "
To the delight of many (cheaper) guys, a date "on the World Wide Web is no more expensive than a local call. Unless, of course, you want the company of a real human being and decide to meet the person you were talking to. But this kind of defeats the great achievements of modern technology.
And with your social on the net that literally encompasses the entire planet, you can now cope with problems hitherto unencountered. It is used to be pretty bad to meet someone who was "bad" for you. Now that you have to deal with meeting someone who is "good" for you, but on the "wrong" side of the globe. How do you manage that? Did you travel halfway around the world just to meet someone?
And if you fly to Sydney, Australia, for a date and it appears that you dislike the person? Do you say, "I have a headache, I'm going back to the airport to bed?"
Some people take the Internet sociability, even a step further - they married on the net. These weddings are commonplace with the legalities nebula, and should be undertaken only by those who are fully aware of their ramifications.
In a marriage on the Internet, blocking the system of your partner on a regular basis can be regarded as domestic violence. Transfer each time your spouse wants to download can be interpreted as "irreconcilable differences". If your wife is in a chat room with another woman, he could be a ground for divorce if she can prove that you talked about everything except fiber optic connections and backup utilities.
Then there are issues of divorce are not yet clearly defined. In case of divorce, your spouse do half your disk space. If your spouse has been granted the websites you have created together, did you access? If you were promised the disks in a prenuptial agreement, how easy it is for your spouse to do a flip-flop on the disks?
These and other thorny issues such should be considered before embarking on a marriage on the Internet. You would be well advised to consult a lawyer of great power, who can recite at least loopholes fifty-six miles per second.
In addition to changing social mores, the PC itself has become such a powerful object of fixation that some people see it almost like a family member.
An example is Bob (not his real internet "handle" - to ensure his privacy, I'm using his real name). Bob went up to his Pentium 3.5 GHz computer a name - Chippy. And for good reason. He says he did more laps than Poochy. No, it's not his dog Poochy. Poochy is a Pentium 2. The name of his dog is Commodore-128, the name of an old computer that does not do much. By a strange coincidence, his dog knows of 128 places to hide when he hears an intruder.
When Chippy came down with a virus, Bob rushed to "Lee's Emergency Room" (a computer store where more than a guarantee has expired until a technician). Being told to take two disks and recall in the morning, Bob stayed all night with Chippy, running an anti-virus called "Chicken Soup." The next day, Chippy was so well integrated that his tax program has been able to demonstrate how you can legally become a native American and claim your house as a casino.
Unfortunately, another friend of mine, Patricia, was not as well. His computer, Meggy, of blessed memory and storage capacity, can rest in peace chips, met a premature death, many improvements before the hour. One day, Meggy was as healthy as a mainframe with six redundant backup systems (the computer equivalent of an ox), the next day, his life has been zapped by a surge on her hideous. It was horrible. I do not want a VCR.
Losing Meggy after twelve months has been particularly painful for Patricia, who was eager to feed Meggy by obsolescence. In search of closure, Patricia sued the power company for sixty-four million dollars - one million for each MB of RAM, it was private. After several years of legal wrangling, she settled out of court for one year supply of environmentally friendly, natural pulp, paper inkjet glossy paper. Actually, I think, by Kodak and Pepperidge Farm.
Ultimately, the key to computer usage is moderation and common sense. Do not connected to your computer as you get emotional distress every time your AOL browser says "goodbye". Stand up for a break from time to time - if you look out the window and see the sun in the expansion of a supernova, you were at your keyboard way too long. Do not chat with someone whose handle requires periodontal surgery to decide. And last but not least, when technical support will put on hold, put your house lights on a timer that turns on and off every hour, so burglars know you're home.
by Josh Greenbergerfrom shopndrop.com
Josh Greenberger: A computer consultant for over two decades, the author has developed software for organizations such as NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, AT & T, Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. Since 1984, the author's literary works have been published in periodicals such as The New York Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press and others. His articles have ranged from humor to scientific to current events. Visit his website: shopndrop.com
About the author
Josh Greenberger: A computer consultant for over two decades, the author has developed software for organizations such as NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, AT & T, Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. Since 1984, the author's literary works have been published in periodicals such as The New York Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press and others. His articles have ranged from humor to scientific to current events. Visit his website: shopndrop.com