Airport Luggage (humor)
By: Josh Greenberger
Airport Luggagefrom shopndrop.com
Why so many lost bags at airports? And how can you prevent it?
Since time began, man has always dreamed of flying. On December 17, 1903, Orville Wright turned that dream into reality when he flew a plane 120 feet in 12 seconds. Today, with jets cruising at speeds of Mach 0.8 (Mach 1 is the speed of sound), man is in terminal buildings of the airport - "Cancelled" and "delay" - still dream of flying. Why?
This being the holiday season, it is important to be aware of certain shortcomings of air travel. Good flight without ever having to say "I have been struck or" Where's my luggage? (Not that those two accidents are the worst things - Amelia Earhart was never struck and his luggage was never lost .)
Probably half the people reading this article have had luggage lost by an airline at one time or another. Yet most people do not seem to take all necessary precautions to avoid such problems. The trick is to outsmart the airlines.
One way to reduce the likelihood of losing luggage is a tactic developed by nuclear war strategists. For each bag you take a trip, bring along four empty decoys. The chances of losing the "right" We are thus reduced to 20 percent. If with these kinds of chances on your side, you lose the "good" anyway, whatever you do, do not spend your vacation in Las Vegas.
If the company loses all five suitcases, it is not an accident - they are there to catch you! I strongly suggest traveling by boat. If a submarine is available, the better. (On a submarine, instead of movies and snacks, they allow passengers to look through the periscope and watch dolphins fly through burning bagels.)
The worst, losing a suitcase is when they are three months later and you no longer fit into the clothes you bought for your vacation.
There is a method that can eliminate completely the possibility of losing luggage. Instead of saying one airline that you want to go, say, Florida and Bermuda tell them that you want to go where your luggage goes. How can they mess up?
What bothers me more than the problem of lost luggage, however, is the cover-up. Already noticed that no matter how many bags are lost on a flight, the carousel is always full? Who are all these bags? Clearly, the airlines buy suitcases just to fill the carousel - by you with a dazzling array of colors (empty) suitcases, but believes it will never dawn on you that your bag is in a circuit waiting somewhere in Paris.
Another serious problem plaguing the airline industry is the length of time. Sitting in an airport terminal for what seemed like forever, waiting to board a flight, a kind of makes you wonder if supersonic jets were invented just to make up for lost time in airports. Surely something more can be done to remedy this situation frustrating. Maybe they should have a stewardess on the ground rather than on the planes - Would you be comfortable on a two hour flight to Florida, or wait two days' airport? And it would not hurt to have a post office at all airports - just in case your passport expires.
The key to survival in the jungle air transport is good planning. If your holiday starts, say, the morning of January 15, at the airport no later than July 23. This should give you enough time to get canceled, bumped, delayed, delayed, diverted, and embarrassed, and still get to your destination on time. Of course, this should give you enough time to travel from New York to Florida on a rubber raft. But the creation of a projector and screen on a rubber raft could interfere with air currents and you could find yourself in Singapore and other baggage. This is not recommended.
I think this whole mess could be straightened with a few simple changes. They should put the air traffic controllers in charge of luggage - which can cause bags to face from time to time, but at least we know where they are at all times. To eliminate delays, all the cockpit must have a pilot, copilot, and a taxi driver in New York - some high towers, a couple of loops, a dive here and there, and each aircraft is on schedule. Finally, the baggage handlers should be placed in charge of nuclear waste - the U.S. government has long tried to find a way to dispose of nuclear waste so that it never resurfaces. Are there people better suited for this job than baggage handlers?
by Josh Greenbergerfrom shopndrop.com
Josh Greenberger: A computer consultant for over two decades, the author has developed software for organizations such as NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, AT & T, Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. Since 1984, the author's literary works have been published in periodicals such as The New York Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press and others. His articles have ranged from humor to scientific to current events. Visit his website: shopndrop.com
About the author
Josh Greenberger: A computer consultant for over two decades, the author has developed software for organizations such as NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, AT & T, Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. Since 1984, the author's literary works have been published in periodicals such as The New York Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press and others. His articles have ranged from humor to scientific to current events. Visit his website: shopndrop.com